This Lovely Lard…

…Just sat on my plateful of frogs (see the last post in the archive).

Cars blowing up. Plural.

Cardiac muscles misbehaving. Also plural on that.

Fevers flaring, requiring comfort food.

And you know it’s bad when I’ve been called on to provide comfort food. I nearly cooked the darn CAT in the process, so I had to let Walmart handle the majority of the heavy lifting. True Story. More on that next week.

And someone sent us a fire pit. Also true.

We didn’t order a fire pit, either on purpose or by accident so far as I can tell.

We’ve not been in the market for one.

But there it lurks in its giant cardboard shipping box in my garage. Begging for kindling and a lighter so we can roast our dogs and toast our mallows. Yeah, right. Like I’ve got time this week—or next—to kick back around a firepit that someone sent us. Either on purpose or by accident.

Yup. Still had several frogs of my own making to eat. One by one. Was getting a handle on them, too.

Then this guy shows up and just squashes them.

Oh yeah. Those flat amphibians still need tackled. Ugliest first. I guess they won’t be as juicy since he’s flattened them. So there’s that.

I also think Little Miss Muse is trapped under his giant derriere. If I look closely enough, I can see bits of purple glitter oozing from under his tail. Either that or those stress sparkles are back and I need to go see my eye guy and get a refill of my blood pressure medicine. Add my heart to the naughty list.

Man, will Little Miss be wholly honked when she gets untangled from piles of elephant flab.

Who knows what stories will topple out of her once she’s free and breathing. She’ll likely keep me up for days. Horror will be the genre of the week.

So, I’m headed to the garage to dig out the roasting forks from the fire pit we didn’t order.

Hopefully they’re large enough to eat this fellow.

One bite at a time…

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