“When you’re happy, you listen to the music. When you’re sad, you listen to the words.”
I don’t know who said that, but I’m grateful they did. Been thinking about it a lot over the last few months, and it came back to mind today.
Words are important. Specific words in the correct order.
As I write this, it’s Sunday. Mother’s Day 2025. I’m at my mom’s bedside in an ICU room. The words that would’ve landed on the almost-done, snarky, happy blog post spurred by a ridiculous moment from a vacation a few weeks ago are all the wrong words.
So many words. So much information. None of it easy. None of it simple. My head spins. Yet again, someone’s well-being is in my hands.
I wish it were different. I wish it weren’t so.
One bit of information leads to a dozen more potential outcomes. The next lab result changes all of it all over again. And the labs are coming in every two hours.
One decision affects all the rest.
Here are the best words I can give others today:
Know your loved one’s wishes—as many wishes as you can know—before you need to know their wishes. The big wishes. The small ones. The “in case of” wishes.
Use specific words.
Define your terms.
Do it before words can’t be used or understood for whatever reason.
Write those words down. Every single syllable.
That way, when the time comes, their wishes carry the weight of hard decisions.
That way, when the time comes, you’re moving from a place of honor instead of fear.
That way, when the time comes, you can still hope to hear the music.
